Poems 88-89 (Part 2)

ON THE BUS

Si.in oan the bus
Aw oor heeds jerkin
up an doon
as wi go oor the bumps

i.'s sumthin yi nivir reelli no.iss
No unless yi imajin.i yirsel
thi. yir no akchilli oan the bus

THE FOUNTAIN OF KNOWLEDGE

The man,
obviously disabled in some way,
staggered towards us.

The woman,
taking a long drag,
turns to her friend.
'Aye,' she nods. 'Paralysis.'

BLACK DEATH

I knew this guy who got run over by a Disprin lorry.

TO THE GIRL WHO WORKS IN THE NOOR KEBAB HOUSE, FALKIRK

If ah could sing,
ahd serenaeji.
If ah could dance,
ahd trip the light fantastic wi yi,
an ah widni stand oan yur toes.
Bu. ah canni.
So ahll jist brush the skin iyur palm
wi ma fingur
as ah hand oor ma 1.80
fur ma Large Doner,
an a wee twinkle in ma eye.
Tha. only serve tae merge mi
in.i the skittle-row ihappySad drunks
which you so sweetly bowl over
ivri Friday night.

PHOTOGENIC

Ah wonnti be a Rie.ur
nhang oo. in bars
ngi. ma foe.i tane in
black nwhie.
wi ma burd
na Jitann hingin oo.i
thi coarner i. ma muthe
nma suntanned chist
burstin oo.i ma denim shur.
lookin like ahm huvvin a
reelli briwwyin. time

Summ day
ahll buy a tiperie.ur
cos ahv goe. sum
reelli briwwyin. ideas
fur po-ums
Bu. tha. kin wae.

Ahm too bizzi lookin foe.ogenik

THE SURVIVOR

All that he salvaged from the wreckage
was a thick canvas parka,
which he now wore at all times.
With the hood up.
The desert baked, but
he could feel himself turning whiter
inside the shadow of the jacket.
Ever concerned with matters cosmetic,
he decided to get himself a tan.
To prove he had actually been
in the desert.
He removed his jacket
and tied it round his waist
with the arms.

Half an hour later,
he was surprised
at the sunburn
on his shoulders.