Dirty Little Secret

The first time is the worst, as if you have demolished something that took years to build. You are consumed with guilt. But nothing has fallen down. The guilt is still there, though. You do it again; there is a rationale. Mathematics - percentages, fractions. A problem halved, but you can never share it. It becomes a habit. The incidence increases while the fractions become smaller. You get to the point where you look forward to it, you enjoy it. You realise you are hooked. There is no going back now. Why should there be? You consider it your due. As for the guilt, that has tended to zero.