Monday 4 February 2013

Terse, Cogent, Salient: Angus Shoor Caan

Cover Story

“Ri fulla rit thote rem two up musta been an Ayrshire man.”
“Whit two?”
“Itchy an' Scratchy.”
“Whit makes ye say rat ren?”
“ 'E musta been an Ayrshire man.”
“Rat's whit wey cawed an Ayrshire blanket.”
“Itchy an' Scratchy.”
“Wull, us in Solkits cawed it an Itchy.”
“An' whin a stide et ma pal's in Irvine rey cawed it a Scratchy.”
“Wee bit e' a tenuous link rat is it no'?”
“Makes a loat a' sense tae me so it dis.”
“Wull mibbes could Google it ur Wikypedia it.”
“Aye, bit haud oan tae ri Simpsons is feenished eh?”
“Cos Lisa's saxaphone solo's comin' up in a meenit.”
“Right y'ar. U'v you seen ris wan afore ren?”
“A could take a pert in it so a could. Ris yin's aboot five yur auld.”
“Whit made rum itchy ur scratchy ren?”
“Ayrshire blankets. Whit made rum itchy ur scratchy?”
“Jaggy wool. Rat stuff touches yur skin an' makes ye aw itchy so it dis, bit rey kep' ye warum.”
“Wull wi nivir hid ony'hin' lit rat in Largs. Wi hid connulwick bedspreads us.”
“Posh gets awrerr so yis ur, gote tae bey rat wee bit diffrint.”
“Haw, a wis dragged up ri same is you wis. Went tae ri same skill an' rat.”
“Aye mibbes. Bit you hid a silvur spin an' a hid a plastic wan, mind?”
“You wis ri wan rit played pitch 'n' tose wi' ri two bob bits.”
“Rat's 'cos a hid two joabs me. An' a wis guid et ri pitch 'n' tose tae by ri wye.”
“Ye wis aye, ah'll gie ye rat.”
“An' whit's mair besides, a nivir seen ye shoart e' a ceegarette .”
“R'ur wis sumhin' else wis itchy, whit wis it?”
“Itchycoos. Rose hips, big rid 'hings.”
“Aye, rey wis great so rey wur. Wi open't rum up an' stuck rum doon ri back a' sumb'dy's neck.”
“Usually a lassie aye. Rat wis tae let 'ur ken ye fancied 'ur wint it?”
“D'ye 'hink it wid work if wi tried it rese days?”
“Lerris ken how ye git oan eh?”

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60 year old Angus Shoor Caan lives high up in the lower end of Ardrossan. He's the author of 11 books of which nine are novels, one a trilogy of short stories and the other a collection of McLimericks. His published works can be found via Amazon while every short story he has written is available to read for free on the site.  Angus is currently working on a follow-up to 'Coont Thum: a Hunner an' oad McLimericks', and at the last count was almost half-way there.

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